One of my resolutions for 2012 is to be less envious of other people.
It is the worst sin of the seven deadlies and I commit it all the time.
I find myself making fun of Ben Mulroney or Kim Kardashian for being no talent losers.
I wonder what dirt Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck have on Barbara Walters.
I ridicule Lisa Laflamme's nipple jacket.
Sometimes, I'm ashamed of myself.
It is my worst fault and I was vowing to make a change this year. Be a nicer, sweeter, more gracious individual.
Congratulate people on their good fortune.
But I just can't get past Gayle King.
I despise Gayle King. She is smarmy and entitled. She is overly familiar with celebrities. She thinks her poop doesn't stink just because she's Oprah's BFF.
I have tried in recent times to isolate Gayle as an image in my mind, to ask myself am I just jealous because I want to be Oprah's friend? Is it possible for me to only judge her based on herself? If so, would I like her better?
The answer is no.
I was literally fuming when I heard Gayle was going to cohost CBS Morning.
What in the world qualifies her for this job?
It's like taking Mrs. Dr. Phil and putting her on The Doctors.
Oh wait. She was on that show.
One of the things I hate is nepotism on high. Ben Mulroney, come on down. Sharon Osbourne, take a seat.
Gayle is the Queen of Nep.
I know this like I know my own name.
All the jobs she got, she got because of Oprah.
Oprah opens a radio station? Give Gayle her own show. Oprah starts a magazine? Make Gayle "editor of large". Oprah starts a network? Give Gayle another show.
Gayle, Gayle, Gayle.
As my mother used to say, "Gayle thinks she's Gayle".
Oprah bought her a house. Oprah broke up her marriage because Gayle's husband was so sick of playing second fiddle to Oprah.
And now she's dumped Oprah.
She up and quit her show on OWN, thinking she's ready to fly on her OWN.
Gayle thinks CBS loves her. In reality, they're giving her a bad show, a rock bottom remainder on a network which was only first in the morning ratings when it ran Captain Kangaroo.
Look it up.
I predict (and hope) that Gayle will be a ratings bust unless somehow she can book Oprah every Friday for a girl chat.
Just watching Gayle do the pre-show publicity makes me cringe.
She's everywhere, The View. Anderson Cooper. Letterman.
And all Gayle does is talk about Oprah.
If I want Oprah, I'll turn on OWN.
I plan to boycott CBS completely.
I want nothing to do with anything that fat-assed cow has put her perfectly manicure hands on.
So much for my 2012 resolution.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.